Time’s 100 Most Influential People And Other Things That Don’t Matter

Spoiler alert but I am not on this list of Time Magazine’s 100 Most Influential People. (Time)

Does asking a boy to suck your tongue merit being canceled? Asking for the Dalai Lama. (CNN)

You may not know this about me, but I’m a huge WrestleMania fan because of reasons I can’t get into right now.

There’s a little show called Succession that kind of took a left turn this week, and Dustin Waters is here to tell us the details. (The Antagonist)

Please, as a mom with a son who makes her sit through these long-ass Harry Potter movies, I beg you new MAX not to reboot it as a series. I’m so tired. (Variety)

I love these three white men who have a thriving podcast getting to take it on the road. I know I sound bitter and sarcastic but I’m honestly excited about this. (Deadline)

I saw this 10 ways to enjoy Cacio e Pepe list and thought how is that possible? It’s literally just cheese and pepper on pasta and it turns out I was right and it’s just a list of different foods to put cheese and pepper on. Not mad at it. (Food Network)

Pack your BENGAY, my fellow elderly Millennials. Blink-182 is headed to Coachella. (Vulture)

I know we’re all supposed to make fun of Conservative Dad for making Ultra Right “100% woke free” Beer but he’s kind of a genius for making money off his own people’s stupidity. (New York Post)

In what world would anyone want a musical cabinet? I’m going to assume the designer Hemmo Honkonen clearly does not have children. (Core77)

Finally, a sound answer to whether or not you should have a separate loofah for your butthole. (Defector)

For those of you who doubted Doja Cat can rap, I present to you Kill Bill remix with SZA.

Laura J. Burns makes some very valid points about Ted Lasso’s useless friends. (The Antagonist)

For video game fans, New Zelda trailer just dropped. (Kotaku)

For maple syrup, pancakes, sausage, egg and ramen noodle fans, new Cup Noodles Breakfast just dropped. (Nerdist)

I’m really glad irrational and probably damaging beauty standards are catching up with men in this study examining the aesthetic appeal of a scrotum. (Boing Boing)

Jonah Hill is, as usual, up to no good. (Pajiba)

Researchers used UV light to uncover hidden chapters of the Bible that conservatives will definitely use to ruin people’s lives in ways they weren’t able to before. (My Modern Met)

I get the appeal of flavored water but I don’t get the #watertok trend that acts as if this is a new phenomenon and needs almost 3 minutes to explain. (Eater)