I’ve missed a lot while watching the world burn down. Like how Taylor Tomlinson is going to be the new Late Night host except it’s going to actually be called After Midnight. Good for her and anyone who is up that late to watch. I will watch clips at a reasonable hour the next day like the good lord intended. (Pajiba)
Look, aliens might know we exist but if they’re as smart as we’ve been claiming they are in all our movies, they should know better than to actually come to Earth. (BBC)
They are working on making microwaveable Cup Noodles so we no longer have to suffer like we have since 1973 by boiling our own water and then pouring it into the cup. The future is finally here. (Boing Boing)
Most people talk about Matthew Perry as Chandler, but I absolutely loved him in Fools Rush In because we’ve all had that “white boy meets our entire brown family for the first time” experience. (GQ)
Our resident horror fan and weird news knower Dustin Waters explains Scorsese going full horror in 1986 when he directed an episode of Amazing Stories, “Mirror, Mirror”. But I disagree because My Voyage to Italy is 246 minutes long and there’s no greater horror than sitting through a four-hour movie. Thanks. I’m here all night. (The Antagonist)
I don’t appreciate celebrities using Halloween as an excuse to look hotter. I’m looking at you, Adele. Give us one night where you look weird or at least crazy. Take a note from Janelle Monae. (My Modern Met)
No amount of over-the-top costume can outdo Japan’s “Mundane Halloween” costumes like “cashier forced to wear holiday-specific partial costume” and my favorite, “parent trying to play Mario Kart.” (Core77)
I have never had thoughts about Princess Kate other than the fact that she seems dead inside, but learning she likes swimming in cold, dark and rainy conditions I’m now convinced she is not only dead inside but is also a psychopath and we need to watch our backs. No one is safe. (Celebitchy)
This is a complicated story but short version, a company wants to legalize at least some cocaine use in food and drinks. I say we hear them out. (Vice)
I wish I cared about something as much as these professional bed makers do about tucking in sheets.
I would be happy to receive any of these white elephant gifts, except the “low-key torture” alarm clock on wheels that runs away if you try to put the snooze button on. (Engadget)
This man is the Leonardo Da Vinci of our time.
Me pretending to be surprised that Amazon executives and Jeff Bezos made the site worse in order to make more money. (Vice)
I don’t play video games, but “Silent Hill Game Disables Chat After Too Many Posts About Cum” is the closest I’ve come to wanting to play. (Kotaku)
Why even wait for mashed potatoes to be “left over” to make this?
I may be the only person who couldn’t get into the book Lessons in Chemistry, but maybe the show is better? I’m not going to find out, but here’s when every episode is going to drop. (Cosmopolitan)
Al Pacino has to pay his girlfriend Noor Alfallah $30k a month in child support, $13k for a night nurse (yes, you read that correctly) and not to mention the $110k up front. We all judged her for sleeping with an old man but who’s laughing now? Noor. She’s laughing at all of us. (Page Six)
Megan Thee Stallion’s new song “Cobra” is a roller coaster of horny and sad emotions.
This woman claims you can use any drink to make icing for cake. Let’s hear her out. (Lifehacker)
Meet “Mom. Texan. Herbalist. Aromatherapist. Vegan” Kelly Shepard, a fake person at HBO who trolls TV critics for not liking their shows. She may not be real in life, but she will always be real in our hearts. (Jezebel)
It’s early November, so you have plenty of time to go over these 125 Thanksgiving dessert recipes to see what you’d like to make, only to give up and run to Trader Joes last minute and buy whatever is left and pretend you totally meant to get these vegan scones and you weren’t just desperate. (The Food Network)
