Britney Spears announced she’s pregnant with husband (what? when did this happen?) Sam Asghari’s baby in an Instagram post that – like all her other posts – gave off “unhinged toddler on a sugar high” vibes.
There’s nothing more I want in life than a half-Persian Britney Spears baby. (Basically I’d be their aunt). But I gotta keep it real and face the fact that Asghari is not exactly one of our best and I don’t believe he’s not using her to launch his personal training and acting career (apparently he’s on a new The Office-esque show called PBC which I’m terrified to watch).
Call me cynical, but I’m not buying it.
On the one hand, I’m happy for her. Considering everything she went through including losing power over her own body, it’s great news that she can finally fulfill her dream of getting married and having more kids. (Though when has any of that improved anything, but OK).
On the other hand, I don’t trust Sam Asghari and I think this is a huge mistake.
First of all, what is this nonsense about “if it’s a daughter it’s going to be the most spoiled princess ever,” during his interview with AC Slater (Mario Lopez for you youngsters). “If it’s a son, it’s gonna be the toughest son – I’m gonna be really tough on the kid.” Iran called, they want their toxic masculinity back.
This isn’t an anti-Britney post. Not even close. My fellow Millennials know what she’s done for us and for low rise jeans. We owe her the truth like we do to anyone whose wellbeing matters to us. We need to sit her down and remind her how men have fucked her over for all these years and taken advantage of everything she’s worked hard for. No, this is an anti-Sam Asghari post. Why, when she’s getting her life, money, and freedom back, is she marrying this guy–who, while super hot (in a very ditzy I-spilled-my-milk-at-a-grown-up-party sort of way), is very clearly opportunistic?
One of the biggest red flags is how much the word “protector” keeps getting thrown around in regards to him. She’s in a vulnerable position where she’s spent her life being used by people, and this jacked-up knight in shining Versace has convinced her that without his protection, she’ll be lost. I don’t want to claim that I know what Britney has gone through. (Believe it or not, I’ve never been a super hot pop princess with a crazy dad.) But if I were her, I’d lose Asghari and just fill my swimming pool with cash and finally live my best life.
I hope for her sake–and the new baby’s and our whole Persian family–that I’m wrong about this but just in case, hold on to all your #FreeBritney merch. We may need it again.
