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Bears on Coke, Pilk & Cookies and Curses for Sale

Orly Minazad
December 2, 2022
Orly Minazad
Orly Minazad is a freelance writer and regrets it every day of her life. She moved to the States from Iran in 1991 with her family seeking better opportunities only to waste them earning a Masters in Professional Writing degree from USC which no longer exists, cost a lot of money, and for which she has nothing to show. No, she is not bitter at all. Why do you ask? Oh, you didn’t, ok. She lives with her husband and son in Los Angeles where she spends the day loading and unloading the dishwasher.

There is nothing shocking about a Royal being racist, so can we move on to how her name is Lady Hussey and her nickname was “No 1 Head Girl”? (The Guardian)

Normalize giving luxury toilet bowls to your friends for their birthdays like Drake. (Insider)

As his last gift to us, Ray Liotta stars in Cocaine Bear, a film apparently inspired by true events where a bear gets into a stash of cocaine. RIP legend.

I don’t know who looks at a pile of garbage made of pencil shavings and thinks YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ART but someone did and I don’t hate it. (My Modern Met)

Before you watch Wakanda Forever (or after, doesn’t matter when), read about the African-American science fiction writer (among other things) Pauline Elizabeth Hopkins, the mastermind behind the original story and just an incredible person all around. (Ms. Magazine)

I actually love this new design for a death-trap playground in Melbourne. Kids have it too easy these days. (Core77)

I learned a new word today. Heteropessimism, which “consists of performative disaffiliations with heterosexuality, usually expressed in the form of regret, embarrassment, or hopelessness about straight experience.” (Cosmopolitan)

I don’t watch sports, but clips like this warm my cold black heart every time. Especially since it’s both my people, Iran and America.

Speaking of the World Cup, here’s the FIFA 23: World Cup Swaps Guide for those who celebrate. (The Gamer)

A hearty mazal tov to my Latin crush, Bad Bunny, for earning 18.5 billion streams in 2022, making him the most streamed artist on Spotify for the third year in a row. (Rolling Stone)

This giant human-sized teddy bear is both horrifying and cute at the same time. (Nerdist)

Whoever threw this guy off the cruise ship is probably feeling really stupid right now because he’s alive and well. We’ll get him next time, buddy. (The New York Times)

This London studio is offering free Ye tattoo removal. I say let them live with their stupid mistakes, but that’s just me. (Reuters)

I didn’t care about the GMA co-hosts having an affair until I learned Amy Robach’s husband is Andrew Shue, so now me and my fellow elder Millennials demand justice. (Page Six)

Good news is you can literally buy curses on Etsy. For a “reasonable $162 down payment” we can punish Robach for what she did to Shue. Though it’d be cheaper to buy a love spell for $21 and make Henry Cavill be obsessed with me. (The Antagonist)

I’m glad Lindsay Lohan is making a comeback. I just wish it wasn’t to promote Pilk, a horrible milk and Pepsi concoction. (AD Week)

“That is one dirty soda, Santa”

Armed robots. What could possibly go wrong? (Engadget)

Cat portraits by Nils Jacobi. Need I say more? (My Modern Met)

This list is a lie. No way in hell Gen Z wants a pair of Victoria’s Secret PINK Velour Heritage Sweat pants. Do they? Because if they do, so do I. (InStyle)

This is how every man should interpret “I’m craving your meat.”

@oscarins_kitchen

At the gym I met a girl who’s a vegan. In the sauna while we were both sweating she whispers in my ear “I’m craving your meat” as she squeezed my leg. I thought that was kinda odd. Anyways, I had the perfect dish for her. “Carne en su Jugo” without the bacon. I invited her over that evening. She arrives and smells the meat in the air and immediately starts screaming “you piece of shit!” She gets the pot and pours it in the toilet. I’m a vegan you idiot! She storms out… I’m going to be single forever #food #mexicanfood #easyrecipe #carneensujugo #guadalajara

♬ Llorar – Los Socios Del Ritmo

If this movie is not a war on Christmas, I don’t know what is. Behold, The Mean One: Grinch Horror Parody. (Pajiba)

I leave you with this palate cleanser from our very own Laura J. Burns reviewing the latest Netflix Christmas Rom-Com, The Noel Diary, that is more Rom than Com and that’s not a bad thing. (The Antagonist)

Orly Minazad Author
Orly Minazad is a freelance writer and regrets it every day of her life. She moved to the States from Iran in 1991 with her family seeking better opportunities only to waste them earning a Masters in Professional Writing degree from USC which no longer exists, cost a lot of money, and for which she has nothing to show. No, she is not bitter at all. Why do you ask? Oh, you didn’t, ok. She lives with her husband and son in Los Angeles where she spends the day loading and unloading the dishwasher.
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