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Tom Brady Has Retired. No, Really.

Laura J. Burns
February 1, 2023
Laura J. Burns
Laura J. Burns writes books, writes for TV, and sometimes writes TV based on books and books based on TV. She will never, however, write a poem. She’s the managing editor of The Antagonist.

The GOAT has retired. No, I mean this time he’s really retired, you guys.

Sure, yes, he retired a year ago. A year ago today, in fact. But that one didn’t stick. It was more like a trial retirement. Unlike his separation from Gisele Bundchen, who dumped his ass when he went back on their deal to, you know, retire. As she should have.

So, in short, his retirement was a trial. Their separation wasn’t a trial. Because unlike Tom Brady, Gisele can commit to something.

You are dumb, Tom Brady

Where was I? Oh, right! Tom Brady has retired. He came roaring back out of his first retirement to not win another Superbowl ring and to not even make it to the Superbowl. Nice job, Tommy! Trading your marriage for a lame season followed by a second retirement? Good call!

My point here is that Tom Brady is a clown. (Why, yes, I am a Jets fan, but I’m also a fan of men who keep their word and old men who know when they’re too old to play professional football and smart men who know how to go out on a high note. And who don’t deflate balls.)

Anyway, Tom Brady has retired. Not with a bang, but a whimper.

Laura J. Burns Author
Laura J. Burns writes books, writes for TV, and sometimes writes TV based on books and books based on TV. She will never, however, write a poem. She’s the managing editor of The Antagonist.
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