Slack channels for blogs are a funny thing in that I’ve never been part of one that doesn’t eventually become a dedicated thirst trap. There’s no accounting for our personal attraction, though. You may find someone attractive and I might find the same person repellant. There’s no universal right answer when it comes to hotness, except for Idris Elba.
But recently some of The Antagonist Staff has been talking up Prince Harry and Elvin-adjacent actors like Ryan Reynolds and Ryan Gosling, who basically look like grown up versions of Friedrich from The Sound of Music to me.
Strangely enough, Friedrich is all grown up and he looks like this:
See what I mean?
Side note: It took me like eight minutes to find an image of Ryan Gosling with his mouth open. Google ‘Ryan Gosling.’ That boy is one lock-jawed motherfucker.
For my part though, those boys aren’t what I find attractive. They’re both stunning, no doubt, but in trying to articulate why they weren’t my type of handsome, I just decided to skip it and make a list.
In reviewing it, there’s a roughness element to most of the guys that I’ve noticed as handsome. We’re all bent in the wrong ways about the concept of masculinity, and as a culture we haven’t done the work to define it properly for young men. Thus, masculinity is commonly only perceived with the term ‘toxic’ in front of it. My list of guys tries to capture, I think, some fleeting sense of what that used to mean. Part of it is some inherent ruddiness or grit. Part of it, I realized, is some element of character or trustworthiness. “Sure they’re handsome, but who would I want standing next to me in a fight?”
“Sure they’re handsome, but who would I want standing next to me in a fight?”
Another part is the sense that something is going on inside of them. Maybe it’s their eyes. Maybe it’s an attitude. Maybe it’s that you can almost see their passion or intelligence or determination.
So, it’s toughness + character + talent and then if they’re intelligent and/or funny? Pffffff. Sold. This may be why I like hockey players so much. The funny part, anyway.
Whatever the case, this is the list of sharp looking dudes that I’ve noticed over the years.
Very well, then. In no particular order.
Cam Newton
I’ve written before that Cam Newton is about as handsome as you can get. Six foot five and 265 pounds. A smile that lights up any room? If I could Altered Carbon my stack into any other sleeve, I’d be a Cam Newton knock-off.
Santiago Cabrera
This isn’t the only Star Trek captain on this list. Handsome and talented. I loved him in Picard season one. Season two the show lost me a bit, but that had nothing to do with this snack.
Bobby Cannavale
There’s an everyman quality to Bobby Cannavale that’s really appealing.
Numan Acar
This dude’s face is straight up amazing. This is what I want to see more of on my television. Not these hairless pretty boys. This. Goddamn that’s a beautiful man.
Mark Messier
What is it about Mark Messier? He’s been a rock of a man for what seems like my whole life. I’m sure that part of it is that hockey players appeal to me because of the toughness, but Messier is in a class by himself.
Sope Dirisu
I love this guy. I first saw him in Gangs of London and I thought he was weird looking. Then he started growing on me and after watching interviews and seeing his amazing personality and biting wit, not to mention humility, he’s a guy I root for all the time.
Anson Mount
I didn’t know him before I started watching Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. When he’s in the captain’s chair, he’s a little too coiffed for my liking, but he can rough himself up and I dig it. I never thought they’d make a captain who would challenge Picard for me, but Christopher Pike is certainly in the conversation.
Daniel Wu
I absolutely loved this guy on Into the Badlands. He managed to capture that simmering rage that erupts into violence so acutely. We don’t see him in enough shows.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
I missed everything this guy did for years, somehow and when I first saw him on The Good Wife, I was like WHO THE FUCK IS THAT and everyone made fun of me. Like, duh. Crazy handsome.
Gael García Bernal
What is it with this dude? He has some weird features and in a way none of them seem to fit together but goddamn is he attractive and magnetic. His maestro in Mozart in the Jungle is so much fun.
Timothy Olyphant
I like him rough so much more than clean, but his personality on interviews and podcasts is such a boon. He’s awesome.
Josh Brolin
I can’t believe this is the kid from the Goonies in that sweatpant tuxedo. I would pause medium shots of him in Open Range and say to my wife “goddamn, has any man ever worn a goatee that well?” I know that it’s probably a van dyke or a circle beard or whatever, but damn, Josh Brolin wears it well. I met him once, just a passing hello and handshake and the dude was a slab of meat. I bet he has like .05% body fat.
Tom Hardy
Depending on who you ask, Tom Hardy is a pain in the fucking ass. That may well be true, but it doesn’t diminish his rugged good looks. Hell, it probably enhances them. You’d certainly want a guy with his attitude next to you in a fight.
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Chewi is such a goddamn stud and his voice is what puts it over the top. Eloquent. Articulate. I especially adored him as The Operative in Serenity. I don’t know why that character doesn’t get more love. He has a latent violence about him that’s scintillating.
Matt Leblanc
I fucking love this guy and that’s coming from someone who wasn’t a fan of Friends. He’s just a big, beautiful goon. Way way way too handsome for who he is, but what clinches it is how self-effacing he is. Just a doll. I loved him in Episodes, where he demonstrated a surprising self-awareness and intellect.
Henry Cavill
No explanation needed.
Djimon Hounsou
Hounsou often gets the type of roles where you’re supposed to be scared of him, but usually I’m distracted by his rocket-hotness.
Matt Damon
This is a hill I’ll die on. I cringe at most of the actors associated with Boston, but Matt Damon is solid. Especially in his turn as Jason Bourne. Yes, because of his coloring, he does drift toward the elfin and the Ryan Reynolds camp, but there’s a latent toughness to him that saves the day.
Marcus Rashford
The ascending British soccer phenom. Most people will point to his boyish smile but I love his intensity.
Henrik Lundqvist
Former NHL goaltender and native Swede Lundqvist is the whole package. The bastard.
Ne-Yo
Ne-Yo is definitely less ruddy looking than some of these other dudes, and he’s known for his million-dollar smile, but I think he looks his best without those brimmed hats and when he’s not smiling. This is a gorgeous man with oily hips.
Fawad Khan
The former Bollywood heartthrob has taken a break from acting due to tensions between India and his native Pakistan, and it’s a loss for all concerned.
Evan Dando
The former lead singer of The Lemonheads, Dando was unique in that it seemed like every girl I dated in the 1990’s was in love with him.
Sonny Bill Williams
I don’t think it gets tougher than one of the best rugby players to ever play the game. He was a beast for the New Zealand All Blacks and then he became a heavyweight boxer. Tough as nails and what a mug on this guy.
Graham McTavish
My friends and family will tell you about my fascination with Scotland and everything in it, and that includes this dude, chiseled out of iron. Goddamn I love his look.
Matteo Berrettini
I mean, look at the eyes on this dude. I don’t think it should be allowed for an international tennis star to have eyes this pretty. It’s too distracting.
Will Sasso
Anyone who knows me knows I love me a big’gun. Add to the cocktail that he’s hysterically funny? Oh yeah. Love me some Will Sasso. Loved him since the Mad TV days.
Mike Colter
I think I first caught him on The Good Fight and then Jessica Jones. His looks may have sliiiiightly outkicked the coverage on his acting ability to this point in his career, but he’s a beaut.
Chris Pine
Gimme a fuckin’ break with this guy. I don’t think you could make a more attractive man if you had a supercomputer and the codes to the universe. Love him more in spite of his looks because he’s a great dude.
Olivier Giroud
Just such a stunningly handsome man. The French footballer has been turning heads for what seems like decades now. I once told a friend he looked like Olivier Giroud and he said “that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
Alexander Hodge
I only know him from Insecure, but damn I love the face on this guy. He’s almost got two looks, one when he smiles and one when he doesn’t and they each have entirely different effects.
Alejandro Villanueva
Former NFL lineman Villanueva is a U.S. Army Ranger captain who served three tours in Afghanistan and was awarded the Bronze Star for Valor for advancing while under enemy fire to extract wounded rangers from an isolated position. Show me a tougher guy on this list.
Amar Chadha-Patel
Willow’s best character, Thraxus Boorman, is all Chadha-Patel. Off-the-charts fashionable and a gifted physical comedian. Love this guy.
Flea
There’s something so goddamn attractive about someone who is unabashedly themself. Yeah, you won’t necessarily equate Flea with the likes of some of the heartthrobs on this list, but I started to notice him in the movie The Chase and I love his smile and his playfulness and his eyes and the cool lines on his face.
Jeffery Wright
I love watching this guy act so much and what an expressive face. I have such a fascination with the accent he concocted for the character of Peoples Hernandez in the movie Shaft. He’s always good, even when his scripts aren’t.
Gavin Rossdale
Maybe it’s the accent? I don’t know much about Gavin Rossdale to be honest, I just remember seeing him in a Bush video and thinking, now that’s a good looking guy.
Danny Kenyon
Cellist for the Canadian Bluegrass band The Dead South. When he’s not touring with the band he works as an architect designing skyscrapers.
Taylor Pyatt
Proud son of Thunder Bay, Ontario, Taylor Pyatt is basically if Chris Pine had a twin who played hockey. He’s got a rugged, Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall kind of vibe about him.
Brad Pitt
Speaking of which…I know some people are down on Brad Pitt and I’m not here to make a case for him other than to say that (despite having lighter-colored hair) he almost single-handedly defines my Venn diagram of what’s attractive. I think it’s because when I was growing up, Robert Redford and Paul Newman were the highest bar of attractive-yet-masculine man that you could aspire to and in this image, Pitt is almost indistinguishable from Redford.
So who’s on your list of handsome, old school bastards? I just pulled these guys off the top of my head. Who have I forgotten?
