It feels like all our favorite shows are wrapping up this season. There’s just one final episode of Ted Lasso left to go, so everyone is asking: Will they stick the landing and manage to salvage a satisfactory conclusion? Or are we in for a legacy-destroying finale a la Game of Thrones (more like Thing of Groans).
Well, in the case of the latter, here are some of the worst ways for Ted Lasso to end. (And if any of these things actually come to pass, you have to mail me some biscuits.)
- Rebecca reveals she is pregnant by that equally towering Dutch sailor she met in Amsterdam. She gives birth to a frost giant.
- Ted tearfully wishes everyone goodbye one by one as he is set to fly back to Kansas. A ukulele cover of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” plays in the background.
- Beard steals Ted’s car.
- Jamie Tartt’s dad returns from rehab. He’s been clean and sober for 90 days now. He apologizes to Jamie for the lifetime of abuse. Jamie forgives him.
Suddenly, Jamie’s mom appears.
“I forgive you,” she says to her former husband. “Now we can be a family again.”
The three embrace.
Suddenly, Jamie’s step dad appears.
“I forgive you,” he says. - It’s revealed that Ted’s been grinding up glass and putting it in Rebecca’s biscuits since she revealed her sinister plot to sabotage the team.
“You think you can trick me into coming to England and get away with it. I’m Ted fucking Lasso. Don’t you try to fuck on me.”
- Mae passes away suddenly. According to her last will and testament, the Crown and Anchor is to go to Jeremy, Paul, and Baz. Keeley joins the new owners to help promote the business. Ted Lasso spinoff It’s Always Sunny in Richmond is delayed until fall 2025 due to the writers’ strike.
- Danny Rojas kills the team mascot.
- After Ted departs, the AFC Richmond players and staff return to their regular duties. Higgins enters the team locker room, his face a mix of shock and sadness.
“I have a message,” he says. “Head Coach… Ted Lasso’s plane… was shot down over the sea of Japan. It spun in. There were no survivors.”
- Trent Crimm releases his book detailing the dark inner workings of a premier league team riddled with impropriety. The coaching staff formed a secret cabal dedicated solely to discussing their sexual exploits. Players are tethered at the genitals. The wealthy owner uses her position of power to pressure a young player into a sexual relationship. The entire U.K. is left shocked.
- The final match goes into a sudden death shootout. Jamie Tartt sets himself to take aim at the goal. He looks into the crowd and spots his father, noticeably holding a coffee rather than his usual stiff drink. Jamie contemplates the moment and smiles to himself. A weight seems to be lifted from his shoulders. Everything shifts to slow motion as Jamie begins his run to the ball. The camera cuts from one anxious yet familiar face to the next. Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” begins to play. Jamie’s foot makes stiff contact with the ball, launching it toward the goal. His eyes lock at the action of the goalie. The camera tightens on Tartt’s blank expression.
Cut to black.
- Ted and Rebecca kiss.
