Coach Beard Reads This Site

Laura J. Burns
Laura J. Burns writes books, writes for TV, and sometimes writes TV based on books and books based on TV. She will never, however, write a poem. She’s the managing editor of The Antagonist.

I just want to say a quick thank you to Coach Beard from Ted Lasso for finally getting the hint–and by getting the hint I mean following explicit instructions–and offering to set Ted up on a date.

OK, sure, we told Beard to set Ted up with one of Jane’s friends and not her sister, and he probably should have stuck to that. Because who can blame Ted for this instantaneous no, given what dysfunction may lie in the DNA of the Payne family?

The writers here at The Antagonist have had many a Slack discussion (knock-down, drag-out fight) about whether Jane is terrible for Beard or perfect for him. Personally, I think she’s great and that Beard totally digs their codependent nightmare of a relationship. He’s no victim here, people. He’s a freak and she knows it. And he knows she knows it. Etc.

But Ted’s not that kind of guy. Ted doesn’t want that sort of dynamic. He needs stability. And who knows? Maybe Jane’s sister is her polar opposite. But Beard doesn’t seem to think so. Still, it seems like maaaaayyyyybbee he could think beyond the family and wonder who else Jane knows that might be a better fit?

The real point is this: We wrote about how Ted’s friends need to set him up, and then Beard immediately did it. Ergo, Beard is reading these words right now. So listen, Coach Beard: Jane is perfect for you, ignore the haters. Now get Higgins to help you make Ted a Bantr profile. And also, kick Roy’s ass for dumping Keeley, would you? xoxo The Antagonist

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