*Spoilers*
If you’re not watching Platonic, the new Seth Rogen – Rose Byrne comedy on Apple TV+, you really should be. It’s great. Sylvia (Byrne) and Will (Rogen) are former best friends trying to reconnect after Will gets divorced and Sylvia falls into a middle-life-not-crisis because mothers aren’t really allowed to have full-on crises. It’s more like she starts behaving irresponsibly some nights and weekends when her children are not in her direct care because she’s facing down the fact she spent the past thirteen years devoting herself to her family so she’s not sure who she is anymore. It’s an extremely tidy meltdown.
This is the paragraph where I go on a brief tangent to tell partners of stay-at-home moms finding themselves in similar positions (mostly men) that your course of action here is not to try to “fix” any of your partner’s problems. She will figure it out eventually, and you trying to give her the answer will only delay that. She doesn’t need you to find her passion for her, she needs you to do the laundry without her asking so that she can spend a goddamn second of her time and energy thinking about anything other than the things she needs to get for the kids/house/you next week. I am not a middle-aged mother, but, as their childless friend, I am privy to all of the insights they’re afraid of telling their mom friends lest they look like a bad mother. Just know the weekly soccer and dance schedule, and you’re basically a superhero.
But we’re here to talk about a TV show. Specifically that it’s good because Rogen and Byrne have incredible chemistry, and the show’s writers, while still making clear why Will and Sylvia love each other, aren’t afraid to allow their characters to be annoyed, annoying, flawed humans who genuinely care for their friend who is absolutely making them crazy. It perfectly encapsulates that kind of brother-sister vibe that becomes tinged because you aren’t actually my sibling so I need you to stop trying to bother me. It’s great.
But.
You knew the but was coming, right? I couldn’t just say nice things about a show and then move on? No. So here’s your last spoiler warning before I start talking about specifics of the fourth episode.
In the episode titled “Divorce Party,” Sylvia decides to throw Will a divorce party (big surprise) to help him get over his ex. After a fancy dinner, Sylvia tries to beg off on going with the guys to a strip club, so she and Will instead compromise that Sylvia will do drugs with them. Specifically the baggie of white powder that was repeatedly referred to as “cocaine” when they were at the table. As in when Will tells Sylvia “You used to love doing cocaine,” and she agrees, “Yes, I used to love doing cocaine.” It’s only after she’s done a line in the bathroom that Andy, their friend who supplied the baggie of white drugs for the party, mentions it’s actually CK. As in cocaine and ketamine which, ANDY, MY DUDE, KETAMINE IS NOT COCAINE. The rest of the evening is, not shockingly, a disaster on almost every level.
It wasn’t great. I mean, the episode was, because it’s still a good show and Rose Byrne is an underrated comedic genius, but as a white woman who has been White Woman Wasted, watching Byrne stumble around was more unsettling than funny at times. So instead of focusing on how suspect it was for Andy to not inform everyone what the drugs were and what that means for Will since Andy is his friend, I’m going to hopefully improve some drug experiences by giving everyone a few pointers. Like:
You Have To Tell Everyone Exactly What The Drugs Are
If you are in the position of supplying anyone with drugs of any kind, you have to make sure, to the best of your abilities, that you know what you’re giving them and they know what they’re taking. This feels very basic. You order the drugs from your drug dealer (“Hello, I would like five ecstasies, please”), and then when you give the drugs to your friends, you tell them what they’re taking (“This is half of one of the five ecstasies”). Most importantly, if your friends see you with a baggie of pills and say, “Oh, I used to love doing acid,” you have to say, “I love that, but just to be very clear, these are not acid. These are ecstasies.” We need full knowledge here, people. A thing that’s also apparently needed?
Please Don’t Peer Pressure Your Friend Into Doing Drugs
This seems self-explanatory, but please don’t pressure your friend into doing drugs. Maybe they have to be up in the morning. Maybe they had a weird day and are worried about what kind of head space drugs would put them into. Maybe they’re doing drugs later in the week, and don’t want to double up. Maybe they’re doing drugs later in the week and do want to double up, but not with cocaine because they’re actually extremely drug savvy and know that’s going to ruin their roll. We don’t know. Which means a good drug-guide will kindly offer any drugs they have to share, but would never actually try to convince someone else to do them. Because that thing about head space up there?
Make Sure You Set The Mood Right
Obviously, this whole post is a hypothetical and neither I nor the editor would encourage illegal behavior [ed. note: nobody at this entire fucking website encourages illegal behavior, mmkay?]. I myself have never done anything illegal that the authorities are aware of, so nothing illegal. The below example is in no way my personal experience, but I’m sort of imagining that if you and a friend did want to take two-and-a-half tabs of ecstasy each, you would want:
- a room where you could build a pillow and cover fort to hang out in if you needed to relax
- an electronica playlist that really should include “Born Slippy” and enough floor space for the inevitable dancing
- Cat ear headbands that light up. Maybe something like this. Again, all hypothetical. I found this photo on The Internet and have no idea whose beautiful hand that is.
- All of the water that’s ever existed. In fact, anytime you’re imbibing any drug, that’s not a bad idea.
- A view from your apartment where your friend can say, “Wow, it’s so cool you live close enough to the river to see it from here,” and you can say, “Oh, I don’t.”
- Speaking of your friend, check in with them. Ask how they’re feeling and if they need anything. Encourage them to tell you what they need even if what they need is to reassure you that you don’t need to keep checking in on them if you don’t want to. Then you can explain that it’s no trouble for you and actually, you really like expressing concern for them because your grandmother used to dote on you and your sibling and it makes you feel comforting and comforted. Your friend can then say that since it’s something you enjoy to please keep doing it because it makes them feel great, but they don’t want to be any kind of burden to you on your trip. You can assure them this is not the case, but that you appreciate them being concerned about that. This will be the healthiest conversation you’ll ever have.
- Hats. Believe me on this. If in doubt, put on a hat.
This is obviously not an exhaustive list, but for the sake of the argument let’s just say setting the mood right is not telling your friend she just did ketamine in a restaurant bathroom after she’s done ketamine in a restaurant bathroom.
So there you have it, folks. Do watch Platonic because it’s great and do do drugs with your friends because they’re pretty fun, but don’t let your friend accidentally horse tranquilizer herself in a bathroom because of poor communication.
