In case you’re a healthy person who’s got their life together and doesn’t spend most of their time on social media, here’s a quick recount of what happened this week in “white men are about,” featuring Lizzo and the legend of the slave owner’s crystal flute.
Carla Hayden from The Library of Congress learned that Lizzo was coming to Washington, D.C. and gave her a shout out on Twitter about the Library’s extensive flute collection, including a 200-year-old crystal flute owned by James Madison. She asked if Lizzo, whose brand is making uplifting music about love and positivity and who also happens to be a classically trained flautist, would “drop by and play a few bars?”
Lizzo completely fangirled over this opportunity and could not have been more gracious and excited to accept this honor. She went to the Library of Congress, played a few flutes (say that five times fast for bonus points) and later, while on stage at Capitol One Arena, surrounded by security (for the flute, not for her), she played Madison’s crystal flute, throwing in a little twerk.
She was immediately criticized by the Daily Wire bros for disrespecting American history and daring to play a notorious slave owner’s flute while scantily clad and twerking.
Of all the current “vulgarity” and disrespect for American history (ahem ahem, January 6th) this is the least offensive incident to get your MAGA panties all in a twist about. Especially since I know that no one, fans or critics, even knew such a flute collection existed, let alone that James Madison owned or played the flute.
What everyone should have questioned is how she played that crystal flute in those extra long acrylic nails.
I’ve had acrylic nails before. They weren’t as long as Lizzo’s and I had the hardest time brushing my teeth. I had to have my son pull out my credit card from my phone case to pay for groceries. It took me 13 tries to write a text message that wasn’t complete gibberish. Those nails are no joke and Lizzo deserves our admiration for not only playing beautifully but also for not immediately dropping said flute on the floor and making a run for it before the flute’s personal security detail body slammed her.
The truth is no matter what Lizzo did, the conservative racist talking heads would find a way to disparage her.
The truth is no matter what Lizzo did, the conservative racist talking heads would find a way to disparage her.
Imagine if instead of saying “Thank you to the Library of Congress for preserving our history and for making history freaking cool,” she completely declined the offer to play the flute in the first place. If she – very rightfully – said this flute belongs to man who owned slaves and I don’t feel comfortable celebrating his legacy.
Then what would the Matt Walshes and the Ben Shapiros of the world say? That she should be so lucky to be granted this opportunity and how dare she refuse the honor of playing a former American president’s flute.
What I’m saying is that haters gonna hate. There’s no rationale behind prejudice and hate like theirs.
The truth is if Kid Rock played Chester A. Arthor’s banjo shirtless on stage while yelling “Let’s Go Brandon,” every single one of these guys would need a cold shower. (Yes that’s right, I looked up what instruments former presidents played). They’d shed a tear for his soulful patriotic tribute.
So let’s not kid ourselves about why they’re actually mad at Lizzo. There’s nothing a happy, successful, big Black woman can do to gain the consideration of racist, delusional conservative men and women in this country.
But I’d like to end on a positive note, just this once.
Instead of looking at how racist people are, let’s focus on how much Ben Shapiro got dragged on his own post for claiming Lizzo, “a significantly overweight African American musician,” twerking on stage while playing James Madison’s 200-year-old crystal flute was an attempt to “degrade the culture.”
Nothing makes me more hopeful for the future of America than seeing people unite in their dislike for Ben Shapiro and everything he stands for.
